Now, about those two really important things I mentioned in the last post…

First, it’s essential we strive to make what is unconscious, conscious. I’m hopeful you gained some insight into what is influencing your decision-making (in some very compelling ways!). If you found your prioritized values and resource allocation are in alignment – great!! You’re probably making choices that reflect what authentically matters to you. Awesome! On the other hand, if they didn’t match up, you might be experiencing some inner conflict in your day-to-day decision-making.

Negative emotions often lead to unhealthy coping strategies. In turn, unhealthy coping strategies can contribute to new problems. The cycle will continue if it isn’t interrupted. Let’s turn our attention back to the relationship between resources and values.

Here’s an example to consider:

Imagine I’m a friend of your’s confiding in you about the ongoing dysfunction in my relationships at home:

“I’m feeling so frustrated about all of this because my family is the most important thing to me. I’d do anything for them. Why don’t they get it?! I make sure I tell them how much I love and care for them all the time. I really want to figure this out, but by the time I get home from work, I’m exhausted. Everyone else seems just as tired as I am. There never seems to be a good time to bring this stuff up. Besides, what if it just makes things worse? I don’t know what to do!

What’s contributing to this dynamic?

It sounds like I (your friend) might unconsciously be prioritizing other values ahead of my family. This could show up in any number of ways. Perhaps a rigorous work schedule is drastically reducing my time at home. To complicate things further, the quality of the time I do spend at home has been greatly diminished due to the rising tension there. As a result, my capacity to connect with my family has been negatively impacted.

If you asked me, I would probably insist my family is far more important than anything, including my job. Unfortunately, the way I’m investing my resources doesn’t reflect it. As a result, I’m not just experiencing a direct, negative impact due to my lack of awareness (relationship stress). I’m also struggling with the dissonance that comes from allocating resources to this value, while expecting a return on that one.

Here’s the second reason we completed the values prioritization exercise: Doing so on an ongoing basis affords you the opportunity to:

• change your mind

• adjust future behavior

• re-prioritize

• refocus your goals

• clarify your thinking

And the list goes on and on…aligning thinking with choosing is a fundamental part of living proactive - not reactive - life!